My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
