I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
