Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
