he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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