Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The best revenge is premature balding
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
