If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize