But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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