I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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