I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
