but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
