he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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