the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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