Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
