I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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