just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
