Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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