When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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