Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
