he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
