Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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