i wish starbucks made bloody marys
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
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You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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