Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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