So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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