and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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