Don't make out with my wife yet
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize