Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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