this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
