my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
