Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
