My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
