so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
