It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
