im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
