so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
