I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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