Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
