No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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