I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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