I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
