Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
