After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
