If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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