Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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