My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You can't special order awesome
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
