I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
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You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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