The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
