I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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