thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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