I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
