Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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