when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
