Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I will pee on everything he values.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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