tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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