I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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