apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
