WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
