Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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