Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
