i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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