...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
