i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
