Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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