Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
