I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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