Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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