you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
