we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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