Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
